What a great time in a young person’s life; finishing high school and completing seminary. Well it should be. But just like so many times before over the last couple years, my daughter comes home from church crying and feeling terrible.
We arrived at the church early tonight and they had rows set aside for each Ward. They wanted the Wards to have the youth sit alphabetically so it would be in the order listed on the program. When we got there, there was one other girl from our ward. She would be close to the end and my daughter would be at the first; so, they had the whole row in between them. My daughter realized that she would be sitting next to her old best friend who now will have nothing to do with her. As more of the kids from the Ward arrived, they all sit near the other end. As the program is about to start, my daughters old best friend walks in with another girl. They go to sit down. I look over and we have 7 kids taking up half of the row and then my daughter at the other end. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Didn't anyone else notice that this seemed strange? Why is someone in a ward being excluded or shunned? My daughter then texts me and says when that girl walked in (she must have been told it was alphabetical order), she said that she wasn't sitting there, there was no way that would happen. How can this be Christ's Church? I texted our Bishop and told him there was a problem with our Ward's row. He texted back and said he would work on getting it fixed. I am sure everyone around me thought I was sad because this is such a special occasion; but really, I am sitting here crying because my daughter is hurting. I actually told my daughter to get up and we would leave. I didn't want to be there. But the strong girl she is, said no, I will stay. Well after a couple talks and a musical number, the parents of one of the other girls told her to go and sit by my daughter. That is nice and helps a little. She stayed there for a couple other talks and then they had the kids come up by Wards and get their certificate and shake the Stake Presidency's hands. Interestingly though, this same girl who came over when her parents told her, didn't go sit by her again and instead took the seat she had before she moved. Since more kids arrived during the program, there isn't a whole half row between my daughter and this girl, but there is a big space. So again, you are by yourself. I'm sorry, I just don't get it. First, you turned 18 and second graduated from seminary. Why are we acting like this? How immature and outright rude can we be? And the hard thing is, nobody (kids or adults) see a problem. My daughter texted the boy (the one I mentioned before), during the program why does our whole ward hate me?. This was when half the ward was on one side of the row and her sitting 8 feet away. He said it was just one person not the whole ward. If that is so, they why didn't anyone of them on their own see what was happening? Part of this goes back to what I talked about with Friends. We are all so wrapped up in our own social world we don't know how to look around outside of ourselves. And I am not sure we as leaders and parents are doing much to solve for this.
When we got home, through her tears she asked us, "What is wrong with me? Why does the whole Ward hate me?" She was hurting and I am still hurting for her.
She sat alone for the first 20 minutes of the program until someone could get the attention of one of the youth to go sit by her.
I failed my daughter that night. I should have removed her from that situation or at least gone and sat by her to show her I supported her. The Bishop failed my daughter that night. He was sitting across the aisle and him and his wife should have gone and sat by her. The Stake Presidency sitting on the stand with their wives had to have seen and if they didn't they should have. They also should have either stopped and fixed it or gone and sat by my daughter. The YW President should have been watching over her flock and saw an issue. She should have gone and sat by my daughter. Maybe we were all too worried about how it might have looked. She shouldn't have sat there for 20 minutes by herself. Everyone in the chapel that night failed my daughter and failed to be a true disciple of Christ.
We arrived at the church early tonight and they had rows set aside for each Ward. They wanted the Wards to have the youth sit alphabetically so it would be in the order listed on the program. When we got there, there was one other girl from our ward. She would be close to the end and my daughter would be at the first; so, they had the whole row in between them. My daughter realized that she would be sitting next to her old best friend who now will have nothing to do with her. As more of the kids from the Ward arrived, they all sit near the other end. As the program is about to start, my daughters old best friend walks in with another girl. They go to sit down. I look over and we have 7 kids taking up half of the row and then my daughter at the other end. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Didn't anyone else notice that this seemed strange? Why is someone in a ward being excluded or shunned? My daughter then texts me and says when that girl walked in (she must have been told it was alphabetical order), she said that she wasn't sitting there, there was no way that would happen. How can this be Christ's Church? I texted our Bishop and told him there was a problem with our Ward's row. He texted back and said he would work on getting it fixed. I am sure everyone around me thought I was sad because this is such a special occasion; but really, I am sitting here crying because my daughter is hurting. I actually told my daughter to get up and we would leave. I didn't want to be there. But the strong girl she is, said no, I will stay. Well after a couple talks and a musical number, the parents of one of the other girls told her to go and sit by my daughter. That is nice and helps a little. She stayed there for a couple other talks and then they had the kids come up by Wards and get their certificate and shake the Stake Presidency's hands. Interestingly though, this same girl who came over when her parents told her, didn't go sit by her again and instead took the seat she had before she moved. Since more kids arrived during the program, there isn't a whole half row between my daughter and this girl, but there is a big space. So again, you are by yourself. I'm sorry, I just don't get it. First, you turned 18 and second graduated from seminary. Why are we acting like this? How immature and outright rude can we be? And the hard thing is, nobody (kids or adults) see a problem. My daughter texted the boy (the one I mentioned before), during the program why does our whole ward hate me?. This was when half the ward was on one side of the row and her sitting 8 feet away. He said it was just one person not the whole ward. If that is so, they why didn't anyone of them on their own see what was happening? Part of this goes back to what I talked about with Friends. We are all so wrapped up in our own social world we don't know how to look around outside of ourselves. And I am not sure we as leaders and parents are doing much to solve for this.
When we got home, through her tears she asked us, "What is wrong with me? Why does the whole Ward hate me?" She was hurting and I am still hurting for her.
She sat alone for the first 20 minutes of the program until someone could get the attention of one of the youth to go sit by her.
I failed my daughter that night. I should have removed her from that situation or at least gone and sat by her to show her I supported her. The Bishop failed my daughter that night. He was sitting across the aisle and him and his wife should have gone and sat by her. The Stake Presidency sitting on the stand with their wives had to have seen and if they didn't they should have. They also should have either stopped and fixed it or gone and sat by my daughter. The YW President should have been watching over her flock and saw an issue. She should have gone and sat by my daughter. Maybe we were all too worried about how it might have looked. She shouldn't have sat there for 20 minutes by herself. Everyone in the chapel that night failed my daughter and failed to be a true disciple of Christ.
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